For as long as I can remember, I have had to deal mental issues, which include the ever so lovely stress caused by anxiety. Self-doubt at times has been so crushing that I would come to the point where I felt unable to do anything correct. I used to write with the thought of “Someday I will take the steps to get published,” but at the back of my mind was the ever present thought, “Why bother? You won’t get anywhere.”
My family and I ended up moving from our hometown in South Jersey due to finances. Talk about a culture shock—things were totally different here. My daughter became a target for bullying at school, as did my son. So, not only was I looking for work and trying to cope with my mental issues, but I was also dealing with the school system (and let me tell you that was harder than mental illness).
Once I finally got the school stuff slightly straightened out, I had to enroll my son at another school. It took a year there for him to settle down, then get the bullies off my daughter’s case simply by going to the school and demanding that the superintendent do something.
During this time, I was still looking for work and trying to write in my spare time. I met a few other crazy writers who have become my family. They have supported me through all my insanity.
I have weeks where I’m ready to give up. You see, not only am I dealing with the crushing self-doubt all writers go through, plus the issues with my kids, but I also have a marriage that has gone through hell and is limping along. Moreover, I have the ever-giving mental illness. None of this helps the self-doubt.
Many writers often think, “This sucks,” then they toss whatever they’re working on and try again. When you deal with serious self-doubt it goes from “this sucks,” right to, “I suck and should stop writing.” Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to simply get back to work when I realize something isn’t working in my writing. However, looking back, I realize I’m stronger than I ever thought possible.
Within the last year I’ve done things I never thought I could. I have been published and also queried until I thought I would cry. I’ve entered pitch contests and received feedback. I’ve even had dinner with NY Times bestselling Authors. I went to my first IBF (Indie book Festival) as an assistant, but hey, I was there. Normally crowds freak me out, and I was nervous, but knew I could do it since it was something I was doing for me.
I guess what I’m really trying to say is, yes self-doubt is there, and your inner editor can be a bitch, but overcoming self-doubt and insecurity can happen. You just have to keep trying.
Self-doubt will set you back but you have to keep fighting. I wrote for over 20 years before I finally had the guts to try. To be totally honest, I wouldn’t have it any other way. My issues may not be the same as yours, but let me tell you one important thing: If it is possible for me to overcome all I have to deal with, which includes MY OWN MIND, what is stopping you?
If you have a fear of failing but you don’t even try, who are you failing? You never know what you can do if you don’t even try—so try.
Kim Plasket is a Jersey girl at heart relocated to sunny Florida. She enjoys writing mainly horror and paranormal stories and lives with her husband and two kids. When she is not slaving away at her day job, she can be found drinking coffee with fellow author, Valerie Willis and planning the demise of some poor character. Currently she has several short stories featured in anthologies such as, Demonic Wildlife and The Hunted: Welcome to Whitebridge with more to come. Find out more about Kim’s publications here.
